Tomorrow, Tomorrow, is only a Day A-Way

Tuesday November 5, 2013
Bedtime

Tomorrow is my post surgery follow up appointment - and I couldn't be more anxious to get it over with. I have been more than a little nervous about finding out my biopsy results.

Google isn't helping. If anything, it has further convinced me to prepare for the worst news tomorrow.

I am still doubting the surgeons decision not to biopsy or Get a MRI scan of this "Soft Tissue Mass" BEFORE taking it out.

I am no doctor, but I read that Biopsy and or MRI should be done instead of surgery on a suspicious mass.
Now my doctor said he thinks it is a lipoma- Which I'm hoping he didn't just say that to relax me.
From my research, (and yes - I have decided when you have now read over 20 hours of medical information- You can call it "Research") I have read that a soft tissue mass is considered suspicious if any of the following are true:
*The mass is over 5cm in size
*The Mass does not move freely under the skin
*The Mass that is deep in the tissue
*The mass is painful
- So not only does my Soft Tissue Mass fall into one of these categories....It COVERS ALL 4 CATEGORIES!
I have read up on soft tissue sarcomas. The doctor is right, these are very very rare.
But a few of these subtypes describe my mass.
LipoSarcomas is a malignant soft tissue mass that mimics a regular Lipoma.
Alveolar Soft Part Sarcoma scares me because they are found in the thigh and Buttock.
Fibrosarcoma is a firm lump that can occur anywhere in the body.

I have been so anxious this week. Anxiety through the friggin roof! Even after we (hopefully) get good news tomorrow, .... I still have to deal with this abnormal breast mammogram. I tried to schedule the ultrasound 3 times now. I was once again told that I would receive a call back and didn't.

I called the doctors office yesterday, Monday November 4, and told the receptionist that I had an appointment in 2 days but I was very worried about my biopsy results. I asked if they could tell me over the phone so I did t have to wait 2 more days and drive myself even more mad. The receptionist said she would leave a message for the nurse, but then said she wasn't sure if they can give that info over the phone. (And she had quite a snarky tone about my request). I insisted that I would be having mini panic attacks in the next 48 hours and would really appreciate the possibility of avoiding this. She said she would deliver the message.
....I never got a call back.

Then I called the source, the hospitals pathology department. I explained my dilemma. I also explained that my doctor will be leaving the country for the next month After my appointment. I told her that I know these biopsies can take some time, but was wondering if it was completed yet so at least i know if the doctor has the results. The tech was very compassionate. She transferred me to the pathology secretary that handles the requests, and gave me her number in case we got disconnected, or she wasn't available. The secretary was such a sweet woman. Again, very compassionate. She agreed to help any way she could, but said she cold not give me the results as the doctor has to be the one to inform me. She did tell me that my results were "Signed Out" on Friday November 1! She said that means the biopsy is complete and the results were sent electronically to the doctors office on November 1. She offered to also send a fax just in case.
ONE DAY BIOPSY TURNAROUND?
Wow, that is super duper fast!

My husband said that this should be good news. If it was something bad- they would need time to identify it, and also get second opinions from other pathologists.

Then Google got in my head. I researched fast biopsy turnaround and I read that the speed of the biopsy results depend on the severity of the diagnosis. Pathologists get the malignant results back to the doctors ASAP because they bump them up to the top of the pile.

Now I am so up and down that I'm nauseous.

My left hip bone has been hurting. it felt like bone for a while. i am also getting shooting pains down the back thigh which is also telling me it is my sciatic nerve.

Also, my incision is bleeding. They have steri-tape to close it up, so no stitches. Then they have that super thin skin like clear film tape over the whole thing. My husband told me to call the surgeon today and ask if we should leave it alone until tomorrow's appointment or can hubby change the dressing for me.
The receptionist said she will leave a message for the nurse, and she will call me back.

Hubby went out during my homeschool lessons with my little one. He took my phone with him.
I got a text that said "Doc office called. They said leave it aloneness until your appt tomorrow."

So I replied "OK.... No biopsy results?"
....I got nothing.
I texted back "Babe?"

About ten minutes later hubby came back home. I said "Babe, I texted you?"
He said "Yeah, Sorry. Just got it 5 min ago."
Then he said nothing.
I said "Well?..... Did she give you my results?"
He paused and said "um, no, no."

The rest of the day he looked like he wasn't present mentally. Like he was unfocused. I'm hoping this has more to do with stress than it does to do with that phone call.

I am praying that I am looking too much I to this. I am praying that my intuition is way off this time. I am praying that my research is completely wrong.

I would rather be a nutty fool that was semi paranoid for a fatty lump than than have my worst fears come true.
We will see tomorrow. My appointment is at 10am.