Further Evaluation?

Tuesday October 29, 2013

Today was a weird day.  I have been very tired lately.  I think it has to do with getting over this damn cold, the change of weather and stress.  I have been sleeping great, which is good news, but I have been so lazy and tired- which is never good news.

Hubby took my 6 year old out today to buy her Halloween Costume, and then to play at the playground at Chick-Fill-A- just to give me time to myself.  I chose to clean up- because the house was so messy it was beginning to cry out for help!

The hubs called me to say he was stopping at Walmart for some stuff we needed.  As I was straightening up- I came across a pile of mail that someone brought in but hadn't been opened yet.

I see 2 envelopes from the radiology place, one for me, one for mom.  I just assumed they were bills for co-payments.  I opened them up to see what the damage was.

The first was for my mom- It was a letter saying that her Mammogram was normal and reminded her to have another one next year.

Next was mine.  I have an appointment with my family doctor tomorrow, which I was expecting to get the results then.

I opened the letter expecting to see the same words, same format- but with my name.  I stead the letter reads:

"Your screening mammogram performed on October 18, 2013, shows the need for further evaluation of your right breast.   We would like you to have a follow-up right breast diagnostic mammogram." 

So- Im freaking out.   I call my husband- who tells me it's probably nothing, maybe a cyst or scar tissue.  He calms me down some.   I thanked him for calming me down, and I explained that why I called him- because he is the level headed one.

He got home 5 minutes later, speeding I bet.  We made small talk about their Daddy / Daughter Date.  I started dishing out dinner, pretending to not worry.  Waiting to see what he does.
He waited less than 3 minutes, then asked to see the letter.  The deep breath that he took let me know that his calmness was all a bluff.   A good bluff, but I call BullShit!

I know this man 22 years.  We have been together for almost 20, married for 13 years.  I-know-this-man! My love is putting on his "don't worry about it" face, while I can see panic in his eyes.

So- that's when I get brave.   We can't both be worried, and It is selfish of me to Not let him think this through.  He doesn't know that I know he is worried.  And he will feel like he has failed if I let on that I am worried.  So, ironically- I'm not worried.  I change the subject, tell him Im sure its just scar tissue, and put on the TV.

I am worried, but I don't think this is anything.  It's strange, but Im more worried about this Larry Lump in my ass cheek, than the abnormal mammogram results.

So- here is the plan:  I will call the radiology place in the morning and schedule the diagnostic mammogram.  I will go to my doctor in the afternoon and ask for more detailed results of the mammogram.  Then I will go in for surgery the next day.  I will not worry until there is something to worry about.  And until then, I will do my best to keep my family calm and in great spirits.

Everything else is out of my control.
And I can only control what is in my power to do so.
Now, I'm tired. So goodnight.