Tomorrow.....

Tomorrow is my appointment with my general surgeon.  I am anxious, but calm.  Ironically, today was a fantastic day for me.  I guess writing my feelings, my anticipations, my anxieties, and my fears down last night on this blog lead me to a calm place and clear mind.  After I finished my post I laid in bed for hours thinking.
And this is what I came up with:
Worst case scenerio- What if it is Cancer?  Then I ran the scenarios around in my head.  I imagined  how strong I knew my husband would be.  I teared at how I would need to be strong for my girls.  How I would hate the Pity calls, and having to tell those I still feel close enough to be in my life - over and over again. I wondered what my chances would be if it was cancer.
After I imagined all the  "What If" scenarios - I Imagned the "What Then"-  Chemo?, Radiation? , Surgery?
I planed how I would live very day out to the fullest. I would appreciate every last moment with my Amazing Husband, and my Awesome daughters.  I would Smile more, and worry less.  I would sing, and joke.  I wouldn't procrastinate because I would finally appreciate the value of every single moment in Time.
Then I had a reality check-
Why the HELL would I need to wait for Horrible News, To Live Life Meaningful?
LIVE LIFE NOW!!!

So I woke up, and got busy living.  I smiled more, I laughed more, I relaxed more and Worried Less! And I noticed something- I was UP TIGHT!
I also noticed that when I lightened up- so did everyone around me.  I never realized the power I held.  I never realized that my mood directly effected those around me.
The outcome was awesome!  Laughter all day long.  My Mom was singing- Singing!!! My husband and kids were laughing and joking, and I felt , well, frisky! ( which my husband did not mind at all ;0)
So- this is my prerogative- I May or may not have cancer- but Larry Lump has showed me a new way to appreciate life.  We ALL have an expiration date marked on us from the moment we are born- how arrogant of us to waste one precious moment because we don't know when our time is up.
Like my Dad always said, only so many clicks to a light switch, no body knows when that light will burn out.  Maybe click #5,000, or maybe #5,000,000.  Don't waste the clicks.
I will not waste one more click!